I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
