im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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