I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
