He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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