It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
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