Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
