well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So vagazzling was a success
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
