come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
