I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
