Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize