people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
