Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
