a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
