Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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