Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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