I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
