Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
