So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
pop tarts are not kleenex
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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