remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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