He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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