I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
