your thong is hanging out like whoa
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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