I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
