Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
