Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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