look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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