:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Life is so much better after having sex.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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