Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
