my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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