i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
