Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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