i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize