Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
