Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
