I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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