I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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