your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
