ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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