So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
