it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
