I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
