My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
