where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
