Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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