dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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