I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
