so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
