My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
