You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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