I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
