When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
