Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize