I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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