So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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