they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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