Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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