So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
