I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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