My hand turned me down
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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