He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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