just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
