The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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