WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
