I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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