im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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