My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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