In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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