Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
