Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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